SAY IT WITH ME NOW - "FAW KEER"

Since I have lived in northern Virginia for more than 20 years, it has since slipped my mind that our county has a tricky name that "outsiders" cannot pronounce. Not only can they not pronounce it, they are apt to say very funny (and sometimes dirty) things in the process of trying.

Of course, those of us who live in Fauquier County are used to this, people say all kinds of things to butcher it on purpose, but it doesn't phase us much, because, well it's just such a beautiful place.

Last night brought back the realization that we're a relatively small, unheard-of place that many can't say. I took my kids to the Fauquier County fair, where much to my amazement I hardly saw a sole I recognized. I had forewarned the kids that we'd be seeing all kinds of friends there - way to make a liar out of me!

In a place big enough to fit exactly every resident of our county in one location, I was astounded to find a crowd of strangers. It still felt like home, though. There were smiling faces, nice manners and tons of people with tatoos and cowboy hats - the true sign of our happy little country county.

On our way in, the nice-looking family ahead of us in line to the ticket counter turned around and asked if I'd already bought our tickets. As I'm thinking to myself - uh oh, was I supposed to do that BEFORE I came? - I heard myself answer, "No." The father smiled and whipped out two tickets and said, "Here, we've got two extras," and handed them over.

Not even in the gate and already it was a winning night for me. THIS is what I love about living here - the kindness of others is all around.

The kids and I had a great time - we rode rides (well, they did - their weak-stomached mother watched and smiled), we played games (well, they did - their skeptic of a mother watched and smiled while they tried to overcome the rigged games) and we ate junk food (well, they did - I had a totally healthy sugared up blue raspberry shaved ice and kettle corn). Amid our wandering ways we encountered many a folk approaching strangers to ask them, "How do you pronounce the name of this fair?"

Even the star of the evening, one of my all-time favorite country singers, couldn't venture a good guess at our confusing county. Joe Diffie got on stage, looked at the banner behind him that read "Fauquier County Fair" and said, "How do you say that?"

Naturally we all shouted (well, those of us who actually knew, anyway) "FAW KEER". I'm not sure what he heard but he said, "Man, I'm not saying that."

Then one of his lackies whispered the name into his ear. I'm not sure exactly what the man said, but Joe turned a funny shade of red, faced his fans and said, "I'm scared to say it out loud." But then he did, and he did ok.

I wanted to help him out. I wanted to tell him - it's ok, Joe, we've heard it all before. It's the county fo' queers. It's F**K Your county - no, F**K YOUR county. Whatever. Call it what you will, there's no place like Fauquier County to call home.

P.S. Please do not judge me - I typically can't stand country music, I'm a rock 'n roll teeny-bopper, through and through. Joe Diffie is special, though - he sings lots of great silly country songs and I just can't help myself. If you get the chance check out some of his stuff: Third Rock From the Sun, Pickup Man, Good Brown Gravy, John Deere Green, I'd Like to Have a Problem Like That, etc. And, he's got a new CD out!

I GOT MY PP BACK!

Despite what you all are thinking (and I know you're a dirty-minded lot), this is still a family show - well, PG-13 anyway.

I don't know if you noticed but there's been some weird old lady driving around Marshall in an old cop car honking and waving at people for no apparent reason. It was me, trying to get the attention of my friends while driving around in my father's Crown Victoria circa "the good ol' days". Not sure what it is but while driving one of those old boats around you become completely invisible - either because you're just not cool enough to be associated with or because people think you might just be a cop and so their guilty complexes keep them from making eye contact with you.

Anyway, after several months without my beloved SUV, I am proud to announce that I have my "Penelope" back, and not a moment too soon - my few greys were starting to turn blue.

It was quite an ordeal, too, I tell you. It started with a little shake, rattle and roll under the hood - the car mind you, I'm in pretty good shape, if I do say so myself. Hubby fixed that lickety-split, but broke something unknown in the process. After many hours trying to figure out what went wrong we decided to take Penelope to a dealership.

One word of advice: NEVER, NEVER, NEVER take a car to Safford Dodge! (ok, so maybe that's more than one word - but they're all important!)

I don't usually call people out on my blog, but they were horrible scamps. They misdiagnosed my car (For $100, thank you) then fixed what wasn't the real problem (for another $3-400). Then found out that wasn't the problem and said they could figure it out for another ($2-300), but wanted to be sure we could commit to a minimum of $1000 service bill before they proceeded!

Uh....NO!

So when we told them to get their dirty mits off my truck, they demanded over $400 for the priviledge of having to come avec flatbed trailer to haul my truck off to another shop in exactly the same condition as we brought it to them in. Does that not scream bad business?

Anyway, to even out my calling out, I'm going to do something else I don't often do here - plug away!

Kudos to B&E Auto & Truck Enterprises of Bunker Hill, WV! They'd fixed hunny's truck before, warranteed their work and when a faulty part went awry, replaced it in a flash - no charge. So we took my beloved PP to them with little hope (since that's all we were left with after our month-long to-do with SD).

They said it would cost around $600 to fix, but weren't sure when they could get to it b/c the shop owner was sick. The next day (it may have been 2 days) we got a pleasant call - PP was all fixed up and ready to go. Oh, and the best part - the problem wasn't as big as they had originally thought, so the bill was just over $300.

Now, doesn't that just speak volumes when a little "pop shop" can do the job in 2 days for a little amount of money and a major dealership failed to do the job after a month and still wanted way too much money for their failure?

Anyway, PP's back and the kids and I couldn't be happier. We ride in style and the people we see around town that we know - they actually wave to us now.

PS - If you want to have any work done by B&E, they are right across the VA/WV border from Winchester and pretty convenient from any direction. Their number is 540-535-7348 or 304-229-6262.

WHO, ME?

These days I'm so busy I don't know whether I'm coming or going. I'm so confused all the time - do I entertain the kids, get some work done, do my chores, or forget it all and start drinking or go shopping - or better yet both?

But there's one thing I know for sure, I seem to be getting more Jewish Princess-y all the time. And for those of you who just don't understand I got an email from my mother earlier that will explain it ALL.

These are one-liners from old Jewish comedians that will help you understand me, as well as what my poor husband and children have to put up with. Shalom!

1. The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.

2. There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school.

3. Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink? A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.

4. Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American-Princess horror movie? A: It's called, 'Debbie Does Dishes'.

5. Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers? A: They never let anyone finish a sentence!

6. Q: What's a Jewish American Princess's favorite position? A: Facing Bloomingdale's.

7. A man called his mother in Florida, "Mom, how are you?" " Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak." The son said, "Why are you so weak?" She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days." The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"
The mother answered, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."

8. A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play. She asks, "What part is it?" The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband. The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."

9. Q: Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife? A: Under the vacuum cleaner.

10. Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb? A: (Sigh) "Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody."

11. Short summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat.

12. Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said, "Lady, I haven't eaten in three days." "Force yourself," she replied.

13. Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother? A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

14. Q: Why are Jewish men circumcised? A: Because Jewish women don't like anything that isn't 20% off.

15. Someone stole all my credit cards but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.

16. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

17. The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"

18. Q: Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? A: They're worth it.

19. Q: Why do Jewish men die before their wives? A: They want to.
My question: If my husband isn't Jewish, does that mean he'll stick around till the bitter end?

I FELL OFF THE FACE, BUT WORKING MY WAY BACK!

Yes, it's true - I fell off the face of the Earth. Oddly enough my demise began the day after school let out. I'd forgotten how busy life gets when you're trying to keep up with work and life while attempting to entertain two tweens 24/7, which left me completely slack in my blogging realm.

With one full week under my belt (and approximately 4,000 trips to and from GMU for AFYP acting camp - which was awesome, by the way) I finally feel like I'm getting back on track.

Back on track for me means blogging more AND getting my writing assignments completed on time. I've got some old business and new business to report on:

Warrenton Lifestyle Magazine printed my Local Bloggers article in their July issue - it's really big and features a lot of interesting folks who are blogging around Fauquier County. It's not on the website yet, but it will be soon. For those of you who've seen the article (especially if you're new here) the photo of my blog - not so much MY blog. They posted a photo of a Domestic Diva, instead of Domestic AdivaH - but you made it - you found me - you're here - and I'm happy to have you!

I started blogging at Blissfully Domestic as a green living and healthcare columnist, but it's a really cool site with tons of domestic goddess information and fun. For my stuff, check on the Healthy Bliss channel.

I've been writing lots of articles lately about bands and artists for the Fauquier Times-Democrat, which they typically put on their web site as well - The Shields Brothers will be playing at First Friday in Warrenton this Friday - that should be an amazing show!

I think I've written about 1,000 blogs on green remodeling by now for CalFinder.

And my latest conquest! I just officially (I think) became the Health columnist for a brand new magazine that's coming to newsstands and on-line. It's called The Household Manager -I'm very excited and my first column will come out next month with their premier issue!

No news on the book yet - still looking for that special someone to snatch it up and pay me millions to publish it. Ok, so I'd settle for thousands at this point - I'm really not that picky! Bargaining for Our Lives is the working title and no matter what I'll be launching a web site all about my book and healthcare info for the insuranceless and the insuranced who are willing to be personally accountable for their healthcare and the costs associated.

So, that's my professional achievements for the moment, in a large nutshell. Next time, I'll get back to the woes of boys, laundry, cooking hot meals on hot days (begrudgingly, mind you) and the swirl of domestic do's and don'ts that has become my life!